running cross my mind

I am waiting for that thing to kick in.
you know, that 20/20 vision
that puts memories in a new light
that shows me why he and I
should not be a we
and i am far better off as just me.

it happened with the others.
happens with the new ones who come through the revolving door
of my open and willing heart

So clear to me
are the reasons why
'he' and i belong
on paths that do not run alongside the other
'he' was afraid of his shadow
'he' never let me be who i needed to be
'he' never cared enough to try
'he' never dared to dream.

so where is the clarity
that turns 'you' -
into one of those 'he''s

don't mistake me -
for its not that i am bothered
when old loves run across my mind
but, you see
the problem here, is that
YOU don't run.
you stroll.
and then take a seat
open up your copy of war and peace pull a carafe of coffee out a bag
and settle in for what feels like an eternity.

some days, i just want you to run like the others.
you ran in reality, why not do me the one courtesy
of doing the same in my fantasy?

or perhaps, that's not what my fantasy is
and I'd much rather you take that seat in reality
next to me, and that ever elusive
'we'.